


Driving home for christmas

by NeganXGrimes



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Developing Relationship, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeganXGrimes/pseuds/NeganXGrimes
Summary: After the loss of Lucille, Negan moves to Atlanta, in Ricks neighbourhood.Rick always wonders about the new mysterious and somehow closed man who seems to be alone and broken every night on his front porch. And why is he friends with his former partner Shane?Can Rick figure out the secret behind this man and find in him what he lost in himself?
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Character(s), Rick Grimes & Negan, Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Driving home for christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear readers and merry christmas everyone!
> 
> Here comes my second christmas AU I had in mind since a few weeks, again inspired by one of my favourite christmas songs of Chris Rea.  
> I know the beginning is not really taking place around christmas, but I promise it does at the end :)
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it and leave some comments, I really appreciate it!
> 
> Thank you for reading and merry Rickmas <3

After the loss of Lori when Judith was born, it was hard for Rick to keep track on everything: Taking care of Carl and Judith and dealing with the fact that Lori and his partner Shane betrayed him.

For the first months Rick stayed away from work and couldn't imagine to work with him anymore. At first he hoped he would get over it and tried to act professional in their first mission together, but he caught himself of acting more reckless around him. He nearly used him as a target for their suspects, not caring if he would be hurt, cause he wanted him to be punished for what he did to him. As Shane got hurt and Rick just left the location without checking on him, he realized, he wasn't over it like he hoped. He asked for his transfer and took another month off until everything was fixed.

Shane and Rick only saw each other in their big office sometimes and Rick got his own room and team he led since then so they weren't encountering each other anymore.

Shane decided that Rick should bring Judith up as his own child as a compensation for his mistakes. He always asserted he didn't want contact to his daughter anyways and Rick was glad he didn't.

As Judith turnt two everything was back to its place and Rick finally could breathe and enjoy his work time again.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was around summer time as Rick sat in his own small office and recognized Shane walking through the hallway with a guy he never saw before. _Maybe he was a new colleague of his former partner?_

These two seemed to always have fun with each other and Rick wasn't sure, if they were just showing off their smiling faces to provoke him, or if they knew each other from the past.

After one week passed with that strangers visits in all of Shanes breaks, Rick couldn't hold back anymore and needed to ask someone of his colleagues without causing too much attention on his sudden interest of Shanes new company.

On that friday Ricks team had a meet up for a new mission and after they finished discussing their procedure, Rick hold back James who was the oldest member of his own task force and someone he trusted dearly.

„James, you may have a minute for me?“

„Of course, boss.“

Rick waved that title away, he hated to be called like that. „Oh come on, it's Rick for you, you know that.“

„Yeah, sorry b-...Rick.“

Rick scoffed and offered James a chair next to him, while he was continuing to make notes just to seem less focused on their conversation. „You did a good job today, I wanted to thank you for that.“

„Oh thank you, Grimes. I appreciate that.“

„You know, I always want to know who I'm working with, cause I'm convinced all of us work best as a team. But for our next mission, I'm considering to expand our forces.“

„Oh really? Who were you thinking of?“

„You know...“ Rick slided the paper to the side and looked up to face James. „I was thinking of this new guy. He seems considerate and fierce, just as we need it for the next operation.“

James blinked and then raised an eyebrow. „Ehm, who are you talking about, boss?“

Rick furrowed his brows. „It's _Rick_ , James. Just Rick. And I'm thinking about that tall, black haired man. What was his name again...you know the new partner of Walsh.“

Rick knew James was into all that gossip stuff; he even caught him reading all that celebrity magazines in his breaks which got him the jokes from his colleagues, but Rick normally didn't care about such facts, as long as your work was not influenced by it and James really did a good job for him. But in this case that fact just came in handy.

James shrugged and looked surprisingly confused. „I still don't know who you are talking about. Officer Walsh has no new partner, for the best of my knowledge.“

 _Dammit_ , Rick thought to himself and breathed in deeply. _So at least they were not working together, but who was this guy?_ „I see. In which department is this man working in then? I see him every day lurking around and hoped we could include him to our investigations.“

Finally James seemed to know who Rick was talking about and laughed. „Ahh you mean _Negan_! He is not working here, what is a shame actually. It seems to be a friend of officer Walsh. He introduced him to us last week, as we had our weekly police night out which you are still _missed_ in.“

Rick knew about their weekly drinking in the bar with colleagues and sometimes family members or friends, but since Judith was born he never was interested in joining them anymore. Especially since Shane seemed to be popular in that group and always planned their next night out. Since Rick and Shane decided to keep things with Lori and Judith a secret, no one else in the office knew why these two had their difficulties and why Shane had to leave Ricks team. That surely was the reason why none of them had any doubts towards Shane and still enjoyed his company, like Rick did in the past too.

„I see. Why is this... _Negan_ always coming here then?“ Rick asked.

„Oh...“ James scratched the back of his head and avoided Ricks sight. „I'm not sure about all his personal background. You know, he's a very closed guy and doesn't talk much about himself. In jokes on the other hand, he is the most hilarious guy I ever met. I swear to you. You should have heard him when he joked about...“

„Yeah, I understand. _He's funny_.“ Rick waved again and sighed. „So, he's not working for police?“

„No, I don't think so. Maybe his workplace is close to our place and that's why they have break together? They seem very close, you know.“

„Hm, I see. What a pity. Nevertheless... Thank you, James. You may go now.“

James widened his eyes and said „You're welcome, _boss_.“

As James stood up from his chair, Rick closed his eyes in annoyance and mumbled „It's _Rick_.“, but James already left the room and Rick looked out of his window leading to the hallway. _At least he had a name now. Negan. But who was he?_

  
  


* * *

  
  


On the following saturday Rick sat at the dinner table to have his morning coffee and read the newspaper, while Carl was on the near playground with Judith. He appreciated his son taking so much care of Judith and even if they never spoke about Shanes fatherhood, Rick was sure Carl felt it. Still he didn't care and treated Judith like his real sister, but he never dared to asked his father about what really happened as well. Rick knew Shane still had some contact to Carl on the phone sometimes, but he noticed that Carl got some distance between them and never mentioned Judith in front of him and Rick was glad about that.

As he swallowed his sip of coffee, his eyes lifted to the window and suddenly he spotted a big moving truck across the street. _Was someone new moving in there?_

Rick stood up and stepped to the window to get a better view and couldn't believe his eyes, as he recognized the familiar man from Shane. _Was he really moving in there alone?_ Rick couldn't see anyone else with him and wondered why a man in his age would be alone. _Maybe he wasn't that funny, like James indicated to everyone._

Suddenly Rick had the feeling that Negans eyes met his and he seemed not impressed at all. _Maybe he didn't recognize him. Or did he?_

Rick stepped away from the curtains and went back to his newspaper, trying not to give that man too much attention.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Later that night Rick woke up from the TV which was still running. On the weekends he always spend some time with Carl and their favourite movies, but after Carl went to bed, Rick always tried to stay up longer and still fell asleep on the couch soon after.

He switched the TV off and raised from the couch, but noticed some lights on the porch across the street. In the summer Rick often enjoyed to have a beer on their own front porch and decided he could at least get some air, before leaving to bed.

After he stepped out of the door and sat down on the stairs, he rested his hands between his legs and looked over to Negans new home. Negan himself rested his upper body over the balustrade and smoked a cigarette, the smoke slowly disappearing in the air.

Rick didn't understand why this man caught his eyes in the first place, but there was something about him he just wanted to find out. Maybe it was some kind of jealousy or curiosity about his connection to Shane; maybe he even had the urge to warn him about his former friend, cause he never got over the rage inside of him. But as the responsible human he was, Rick decided he wouldn't get involved in their relationship. _Everyone should make their own experience_. _But what if that Negan knew Shane really from the past and maybe met him before, or even talked about Lori with him? Maybe he even saw them together?_

Rick had to swallow his running thoughts and wiped his hands over his face to clear his mind, but couldn't avoid the frown that escaped his lips, being angry over his emotions. He didn't realize that Negan noticed that frustrated sound and turnt around, his cigarette being left in the ashtray. As Rick released his hands from his face again, Negan was already gone and back inside where all the lights were already out.

Rick decided to call it a night and went to bed as well.

On the next day he didn't even see the other man and Rick wondered, if he ever left bed that day.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Another two weeks passed and every day Negan picked up Shane for his break. Their joking around and the sudden amazement in the team about Negan during their bar nights, brought Rick more and more to the edge. And even if that wouldn't have been enough to make him feel left out, he often saw Negan on his porch at night, just staring ahead. Whenever Ricks eyes met his, he just turnt around and left. On the weekends when Rick would have time to speak to him, he was nowhere to be seen. It felt like Rick was watched and Shane sent Negan as a _ghost_ to _haunt_ him.

It was not only the fact that Rick felt betrayed and left alone, but since Shanes and Loris betrayal Rick couldn't trust anyone anymore. He always feared that Shane would change his mind about Judith, or that someone would take away his daughter.

After the crimes in their neighbourhood got worse, Rick was even more cautious than ever in his life. And having a dark minded, closed and madly staring guy as a neighbour who was friends with Shane, didn't help with that feeling at all. _He needed to find out who he is_.

The next friday Rick sat nervously in his office and thought about confronting Shane. They didn't speak for years and Rick didn't want to trigger anything that could have been avoided. But for the safety of his now two children, he needed the truth.

Shortly before Shanes break started, Rick noticed him walking in front of his office. Finally Rick got the courage to stand up and spoke out his name loud enough for him to hear. „Shane, may I talk to you for a second?“

Shane stopped and his fierce eyes looked through Ricks office window. It seemed he thought about just going further, but then he sighed and stepped back, one hand resting in the open doorframe. „What is it?“

Rick breathed in deeply and mumbled „Please, can you just come in for a moment?“

Shane raised his eyebrows and then shrugged, before he came in and crossed his arms. „Who pissed in your morning coffee this time, Rick?“

„To be honest...“ Rick stood up and stepped around his desk. He always felt like he needed to compete himself against Shane and focused his eyes on his. „I need to know what's going on here.“

Shane wondered and tilted his head. „What the fuck are you talking about?“

„ _Negan_. Who is he? And why did you never mention him before? And why did he move next to me, shortly after I saw him with you the first time? Are you spying on me for anything, or are you just trying to piss me off?“

Shane blinked for a second and then released his arms, cause he laughed out loudly. „If that's what I'd be trying here, then you have to admit, I did a really good job.“

Rick snarled and stepped in front of Shane, pointing his finger at him. „Stop this shit. Don't you think I deserve some honesty here?“

In that moment Shane turnt his head to the side and Rick followed his eyes. Negan just arrived at the front desk and seemed to wait for Shane, as he spotted him through Ricks office window.

„That's my call, I guess. Sorry Rick, talk to you next time.“ Shane said and turnt around to leave.

Rick interrupted him and grabbed his arm, to pull him back. „No, you fucking give me an answer here. If you're planning to threaten _me_ or _my children_...“

Shane pushed Ricks hand away and moved his face right in front of Ricks. „Listen to me, asshole. I told you before and I tell you again: I'm not fucking interested in _your_ children. Nor would I ever threaten them. Neither are you interesting enough for me, to spy on you. If you have a problem with your jealousy here, cause you don't have a fucking friend in your life anymore, that is your shit you need to figure out. And if you just can't handle the fact, of not having control of something, get a fucking new job, cause the world is not controlled by _you_.“

Their eyes rested on each other like in a pay off, as suddenly Negans deep voice broke their silence. „Is there a problem, man?“ he asked, while standing in the doorframe, with the same pissed of look like Shane.

Rick turnt his face to look at Negan and realized how his eyes gave him the feeling of looking right through him.

„No, it's fine bro. Let's go.“ Shane interrupted and walked up to Negan, before they left the room.

Rick couldn't hold back to shout after them „You two are really an adorable _couple_.“

Negan just mentioned loudly enough „You do have a _jealous_ type over there, man.“

„Yeah, maybe next time we should invite him to dinner or something.“ Shane chuckled and they left the office.

Rick couldn't believe it. He knew, he never was the stronger guy next to Shane and like always, he didn't get the answers he wanted. It felt devastating and like Rick just was a failure. _He failed to keep his wife, he failed in dealing with Shane and now he even failed with getting just the truth._

  
  


* * *

  
  


  
  


The same night Rick felt so disappointed in himself, that he decided to drink the frustration away. Judith and Carl were already asleep, as he stepped out on the frontporch and sat down on the stairs again, with his already fifth beer in his hand.

He didn't look up for one moment and just took another sip, his feet shaking in tension. Rick didn't notice that suddenly Negan stepped down the street on his way home. His hands hid in his pockets, as he spotted the smaller man sitting in front of his home.

It seemed his new neighbour had a rough day, his eyes sparkled in the night which exposed some kind of alcohol in his blood. _The beer in his hand wasn't his first._ His feet were shaking and on the contrary to the weeks before, he didn't even lift his eyes to give him that threatening stare.

Negan stopped on the other side of the sidewalk and rested his eyes on Rick. _Maybe Shane went too far today_.

„Hey, you okay up there?“ Negan asked.

Rick recognized that voice instantly and felt the same shiver run over his back like before in his office. He slowly lifted his head and looked over to the man in the dark. „Why do _you_ care?“

Negan hesitated with the key in his hand and sighed, before he put it back in his pocket and stepped over the street, arriving in front of Rick. For the first time Negan was close enough to get a better sight of him. And even if Ricks eyesight was blurry, he instantly noticed that intense eyes.

Silence filled the air, but Negan dared to break it. „Look...“ He lifted his eyes to the side, cause he couldn't stand that teary blue in front of him. „Shane sometimes is an asshole. But it's easy to act reckless, if you don't have anything you care for. Like children. You have two, right?“

Rick knitted his eyebrows and right away felt threatened again. _What if Shane told him about the truth behind Judith?_

Rick looked back down at his bottle and took another sip. „Yeah. But that doesn't answer why _you_ care.“

Negan sighed again and shrugged. „Man, I'm just trying to be nice here. If you always feel threatened by me, fine. I'll go.“

Negan turnt around and wanted to leave, as Rick asked „Who are you?“

Negan stopped and looked up at the night sky. „You know my name already.“

„But since when do you know Shane? He never mentioned you all these years before and now you just appear as my neighbour and look at me, like you're trying to kill me.“

Negan grinned and turnt his head over his shoulder, to face Rick. „He just helps me with some things, you know? And I don't look at _you_ , _you_ always come out to watch _me,_ when I'm just trying to have my cigarette. And I really have to say, it annoys the shit out of me.“

Ricks eyes met Negans again and suddenly both of them somehow felt exposed and broke their eyecontact.

„So you're not spying on me for him.“ Rick stuttered and Negan shook his head.

„I don't know what you're talking about, man. I realized you two have some twisted and sick issues going on, but since I'm not fucking interested in such stories, I'm not interested in spying on you on whatever either. Sorry to disappoint you.“

Rick felt as dumb, as he felt in highschool in that moment. _Maybe there wasn't more behind Shanes and his friendship and Shane just invited him to the office to provoke Rick exactly like this. And Rick fell for it._

„I'm sorry.“ Rick admitted meekly.

Negan stepped up to the street to cross it again and replied „It's fine. But maybe you two should get your shit together.“

As Negan started walking, Rick suddenly stood up and called after him „Wait, can I get you a beer or something, to make it up?“

Negan stopped right on the street and lowered his head, to hide his grin. „I prefer whisky, but thank you.“

Negan arrived at his door and got out his keys, hearing Rick suggest „I get whisky for next time then.“

The other man just answered „Goodnight, _Rick_.“, before he closed the door behind him and Rick was left behind with his empty bottle in his hand.

It felt strange to hear his own name spoken by this man for the first time. Rick assumed he knew it from Shane, but since he never told it to him himself, he didn't expect it to leave his lips. And it sounded much different from what he expected. More _soft_ and _devouring_ than harsh and mean. Rick didn't even remember when anyone spoke his name in that way and it felt like a warm embrace.

 _What a strange man_ , Rick thought to himself and went inside as well to catch some sleep.

  
  


* * *

  
  


  
  


On the monday after Rick was doing paper work in his office and noticed Shane passing his window, giving him a pissed off look. Rick thought about confronting him again, but knew it wouldn't make sense to give him more attention he didn't deserve.

It was nearly break time and Rick left his room to get another coffee, since he always spent his breaks in the office anyways. With the cup in his hand, he went to the entrance to catch some air, as suddenly someone hold the door open for him. Rick just thanked the stranger and didn't lift his head, but as he heard this familiar dark voice saying „You're welcome, _officer_.“, another shiver ran over his back and he stopped outside to look over his shoulder, realizing Negan was just going inside to pick up Shane.

Rick stepped to the side to rest his back against the wall and watched them coming outside. Shane didn't worthy him a glance, but Negan looked over to him and smiled what Shane noticed and didn't leave uncommented. „Beware of who you befriend yourself with, otherwise you get as grumpy as him.“

Negan patted Shanes shoulder and smirked. „And that coming from _you_ , my friend.“

„I'm great and a shitload of fun.“

„Of course you are.“ Negan agreed sarcastically.

They walked down the stairs and headed to the mexican restaurant across the street, while Rick just wondered about the sudden friendly behaviour of that man. But he loved the fact that it pissed off Shane clearly. _Maybe they really had some things to figure out, still. But not today._

  
  


* * *

  
  


Another two weeks passed, as Rick suddenly found himself in a big argument with Carl. It was a saturday night and Carl used to share it with his father, but this time he just wasn't at home and didn't let Rick know about it in advance. As he came back late, Rick expected an explanation and was confronted with the typical puberty behaviour, which made their discussion heat up way too fast.

„I'm so sick of your stubborn police behaviour. I'm your son and not your client, goddammit.“

„Carl, don't use that tone against me! Judith is asleep upstairs.“

„You know, I finally understand why uncle Shane broke contact with you. You're just a shadow of yourself.“

„What did you just say?“ That broke Ricks patience and his voice became so loud, that Judith suddenly started crying. „Great, now _you_ woke her up.“ Rick mentioned in rage and Carl just waved him off.

„I'm done with your constant blaming of me. I'll go to _Negan_ , he's way more fun to be with.“ Carl defended himself.

„What the hell?“ But before Rick could ask even more, Carl already stormed off and ran over the street to knock on Negans door.

Rick stepped outside on the stairs, still hearing Judiths crying upstairs. Negan opened the door and Carl went in. Rick didn't understand anything anymore, it felt like in a bad dream. Everyone he cared for suddenly went for comfort to _this man_ and he didn't even realized, that Carl knew him. _Did Shane introduce them to each other?_

Negan looked over to Ricks angry face and made a move with his hand, to show him it's fine and Rick knew going after him, would only make it worse. He sighed and nodded shortly, before he went upstairs to Judith and took her in his arms. „I'm so sorry, babygirl. We didn't want to wake you.“

Judith hold onto her father and Rick tried his best to calm her down, but since she didn't stop crying, he stepped downstairs and let her rest with him on the couch. She always loved to hear the sound of the TV in the background and fell asleeep soon after.

Rick crawled her to sleep, as he suddenly noticed a voice whispering his name. He looked around and couldn't see anyone. _Maybe it came from outside? Maybe Carl forgot his keys?_

Quietly Rick stood up and walked to the door to open it carefully. „Stressfull night?“ Negan asked with a bottle of whisky in his hand.

Rick still rested one hand on the open door and blinked in confusion. „Yeah, could call it like that.“ He pointed at the bottle and added „Fuck, I promised you one, didn't I? Sorry, I totally forgot it.“

„Nah don't worry, I always have one at home and I'm open to sharing. If you have glasses?“

Rick raised an eyebrow and nodded „Yeah, of course. Come in. But be quiet, Judith is asleep.“

Rick stepped inside to head for the kitchen and Negan followed him, instantly inhaling this sweet scent of _musk_ in their home. It was everywhere and somehow it really felt like warming him from inside. _This is how a family home must be like, right?_

Negan carefully closed the door and asked „And Judith is?“, but before Rick could answer, Negans eyes spotted a small girl sleeping deeply on the couch and understood.

Rick came back to the hallway with two glasses in his hand and responded „ _My_ daughter“. At the same time Negan said „ _Your_ daughter.“

Rick smiled and waved with his head to the kitchen, where they sat down at the dinner table and Negan opened the bottle to fill their glasses. He handed one to Rick and they clinked glasses, while holding eyecontact until swallowing the brown liquid. Rick coughed for a second and Negan chuckled. „My god, you should get used to drink the good stuff, instead of wasting your time on weak beer.“

Rick rolled his eyes. „Haha. I have two children to take care for, remember?“

„Yeah, you're doing an amazing job, considering your uncontrollable teenager just ran off to the dark neighbour you don't even know.“

Rick rested his back against the chair and raised an eyebrow. „Are you here to piss me off?“

Negan shook his head and grinned even more. „Not at all. But I can't deny the fact, that it is in my nature to piss people off, I guess.“

„True that.“ Rick agreed and took another sip, this time without coughing. „So, how's Carl?“ Rick finally dared to ask.

Negan lifted his eyes from his glass to face Rick again and noticed, that this man had the deepest blue eyes he ever saw. _How was that even possible_? „He calmed down. He's young, just let him go sometimes. He fell asleep in my guest room.“

Rick nodded and needed to break the eyecontact with this man and stood up to walk to the window. „Where do you know him from? He never mentioned you before today...“

Negan chuckled and crossed his arms. „You two are really not talking much lately, aren't you? I don't wanna assume you to lose track of him, but...“

Ricks head turnt over his shoulder to threaten Negan with a fierce look and muttered „Don't.“, but Negan just raised both of his hands, like defending himself.

„I didn't commit a crime here, officer. I'm his coach.“

Rick furrowed his brows and turnt his body around to rest his back against the kitchen cabinet. „His _coach_?“

„Yeah. Sports.“

„ _You_ work with children?“

Negan laughed and stood up as well, needing to get the drop on again and looked down at Rick. „Why is that so surprising to you?“

Rick stepped to the side, cause he couldn't bear this man standing so close to him, it just felt like a threat. „It's just not what I could imagine for you.“

„So what did _you_ imagine? That I'm a criminal? Being a hitman for Shane?“

Ricks hands rested on the kitchenet and he closed his eyes with a sigh. „Pfff, Shane.“

„You wanna tell me what happened between you two?“ Negans eyes rested on Ricks head, noticing the long curls covering his neck. He didn't dare to break the silence and just wanted to give Rick the space to answer, whenever he wanted.

Rick shook his head and breathed in deeply. „No, I don't want to.“

Negan shrugged and stepped back to the table to finish his glass. „Fine. I don't like to tell my personal drama as well. I send Carl over tomorrow. Thanks for the glasses.“

Negan stepped to the hallway, as Rick grabbed his arm and hold him back. „I'm sorry.“

Negans eyes went to his side to look at Ricks hand on his shirt and knitted his brows, before he looked up at the blue, begging eyes. _He truely was as sensitive, as Shane described him_. „There's no need to apologize.“

Rick tried to stand up against Negans look, but he felt how his insecurity of failing as a father and maybe even as a friend just crawled into his eyes and surely exposed all of his feelings. So he let go of Negans arm and stepped back.

„I just...Forgive me, I guess I got paranoid over the years...the last two in particular. And...I'm just scared I lose my son now too and...I can't let that happen.“

Negan sighed and rested his hand against Ricks chest to push him back in the kitchen, so their voices wouldn't wake Judith again. Rick found himself pressed against the kitchenet and stared with wide eyes at Negan. „Listen, your son loves you. He doesn't talk about anything else than you. But he's a teenager. And you can't let him protect you, what he obviously tries to do all the time. He gets sick of that, cause he _needs_ you. He's in that age, where he needs his father to find his role in this world, but hates to admit it. I'm sure he just came to me, cause he is certain of the role _I_ have for him. _You_ need to be that for him again.“

While talking Negan came so close to Ricks face, that for a moment he thought, he could feel his breathing on his skin and he couldn't shake the insecurity that caused in him. Rick wasn't the typical touchy guy, besides around Judith. And after Lori, no one ever took the lead and showed him the way, especially while being physically so close to him.

He had the urge to escape that nearness. „I...I'll try. Could you...“ Rick stuttered.

Negan noticed Ricks shaking hand which lifted to show him to step back and nodded his head slightly. „Of- course. Sorry.“

Negan didn't even realize that during his speech, he came _that_ close to that man and it obviously unsettled him, what he didn't plan in the first place. Sometimes Negan just lost himself in his confidence.

Negan stepped back and Rick finally could breathe again. „I...I will talk to him tomorrow.“

Negan nodded and slid his hand through his hair. „Good. I think I...“

„Daddy?“

Suddenly Judith stood in the doorframe and rubbed her eyes. Negan couldn't hold back the smile she instantly caused in him and kneeled down for her, cause Rick was still somehow frozen from the unexpected heat in his body. „Hello girl, you're Judith? Did we wake you? I'm so sorry.“

Judith blinked and looked up to her father with questioning eyes. Rick smiled softly and imagined her having the same impression of Negan like he had, at first.

He stepped up to her and took her on his arms. „That's Negan, sweetheart. He just came over and we had a little men talk. But now I'm here for you, okay? Let me bring you to bed.“

Negan couldn't turn his eyes away from the sudden soft way Rick spoke to his daughter. It amazed him and for the first time his grin was pleased. „Yeah, I will let you two sleep now.“

„Bye Negan.“ Judith babbled and Negan stroked softly over her soft hair.

„Bye, princess.“

His hazel eyes seemed so soft in that moment, that Rick couldn't help to think, that he made a mistake in seeing the big bad wolf in him. Maybe he really just was very closed.

„Sleep well, Negan.“ Rick said.

Negans eyes shifted back to Ricks and his lips only whispered „Goodnight, _Rick_.“

Negan turnt around and left through the door, while Rick watched every each one of his steps.

„Like him.“ Judith giggled and Rick looked at her.

„You like him? Yeah, Carl does too.“

Judith nodded in excitement and widened her eyes. „ _Like_ him?“

Rick chuckled and kissed her forehead. „Yeah, I guess he's a fine guy.“

Judith clapped and Rick stepped upstairs with her to let her sleep in his bed that night and hoped, he would really get the chance to talk to Carl on the next day. _Maybe it was time to tell him everything that happened with Shane, so he didn't need to feel like a protector of his dad anymore. Rick needed to accept that he was old enough to hear the truth._

  
  


* * *

  
  


  
  


The weekend passed and Rick really managed to sit down with Carl and had a serious father son conversation with him. It was the first time since years they spoke openly about everything and Carl could finally open up emotionally about the loss of his mother and the betrayal he felt Shane commited. Carl was shocked that his father finally took his original role of a father back and became the father he looked up to, before everything happened. Rick knew without the help of Negan, he may not have been able to open his eyes to the growing of his son and be strong for him like he deserved it. Carl explained him how he met Negan at his school and that he only kept it a secret, cause he knew he was friends with Shane and didn't want to open old wounds for his father.

As monday came, Rick went to work with a light heart. With a smile he sat at his desk and didn't even care as Negan showed up at their office. He even wanted to thank him, but since he couldn't meet him on that sunday before cause he wasn't at home, he decided he wanted to show his acceptance towards the friendship of him and Shane and didn't interrupt.

Shane went up to Negan at the front desk, but was asked to wait for a second. As Negan stepped up to Ricks office, he knocked and Rick invited that now so common voice in. „Officer Grimes.“

Rick laughed and waved before he stood up and walked up to him. „Don't call me that. Please. I have enough idiot titles all day around me.“

Negan raised an eyebrow and smirked. „I bet I could invent even more, if you want.“

Rick was confused by that comment and up to that point, he didn't even realize that often things which came out of Negans mouth sounded like flirting, but maybe he misinterpretated it right now and this was just his kind of humor. „Ehm, no thank you. Why are you here?“

Negan somehow felt exposed in being too straight forward, he knew he sometimes couldn't hold back some kinky comments, but it was a long time since he had such fun doing it around a _man_. „I...I came to pick up Shane and thought you may join us. Seems I could brighten up your horizon before, so why not again?“

Rick looked at him with big eyes and looked over his shoulder, pointing at Shane. „I don't think he would agree with that, brightening up his horizon isn't as easy as brightening mine, you know?“

Negan followed Ricks eyes and noticed Shanes pissed off face, he was close to coming up to them surely. „Yeah, you might be right in that. Shane just doesn't have this sensitive side you have, I guess. It's not that easy to reach him.“

„So that's why you two get along so well.“ Rick added and grinned.

Negans face turnt back to Rick and smirked. „You're smart, Mr. Grimes. Now I know where Carl has his charisma from.“

Rick felt like he would be blushing and scratched the back of his head, as Shane entered the room aggressively, asking „Can we leave now?“

Rick nodded and sent Shane a wide grin. „Yeah, I don't wanna interrupt your _date_. Go ahead.“

Shanes face turnt into rage and he bristled with anger. „Don't fucking accuse me of being _gay,_ only cause _you_ are desperate.“

Negan suddenly hit Shanes back of his head playfully and exhorted him right away. „Come on, Shane. You're better than that.“

Shane answered with gritting his teeth and felt how Negan pulled him out of the room with a playful wink to Rick while leaving.

Rick shook his head in confusion, but had to smile over the fact, that this time _he_ somehow won against Shane, without even trying. He knew it was Negan again who helped him to stay confident and he still was surprised, how this strange man made it happen with his awkward easiness. He admired that part of his character and hoped it would maybe influence his own inhibition and stubbornness.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was already October three months after Negan appeared in their office for the first time, as suddenly Negan was not coming. Shane ignored Rick the last weeks even more, still pissed off from the fact that Rick and his new neighbour seemed to finally come along with each other. So Rick didn't notice any change in Shanes mood that day, but still it was uncommon for him, to stay his break in the office.

As Rick got himself another coffee, Shane suddenly came in and frowned in annoyance. At least Rick could use that situation for asking what was on his mind. „Where's _Negan_?“

Shane raised an eyebrow and looked down at Rick, who sat at the table reading the newspaper. „Obviously not there.“ Shane mumbled.

„Wow, yeah I was smart enough to figure that out. You two got in a fight or something?“

Shane rested his hand next to Ricks cup on the table and threatened him with his eyes. „You _wish_. If you wouldn't be blinded by your selfishness, you may consider people having a life, you know? And not all of it is for _your_ interest.“

Rick furrowed his brows and answered Shanes look with a soft agreement. „Right. I just worried, I'm sorry.“

Shane scoffed and got a cup out of the drawer. „You're pathetic with your apologizing, Rick. No wonder you're not dating anymore, nobody can stand that.“

Rick gritted his teeth and in one move stood up. „I dare you.“

„Oh sorry, I forgot I'm hitting your weak point here. Maybe you should try some dick next time, it may calm you down to be owned, instead of failing in owning, you know.“

Shane grabbed his coffee and Rick surpressed the urge to just punch him in the face, what Shane instantly recognized with a smirk. „That's hilarious, I have to tell Negan about your reaction, he will laugh his balls of.“

Shane left the room and Rick just kicked against the table, causing his coffee to fall over and he had to clean the mess up before he could continue with his work.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The same night Rick couldn't hold himself back from checking on Negans house from time to time. He didn't see him enter or leave, neither did any light inside revealed, if he was at home or not. _Maybe he visited some family members or something?_

Rick looked over to the whisky bottle he got last time, cause he still owed Negan one in return. _Maybe it was the right occassion to check on him?_ Judith and Carl were asleep and something in Rick just didn't let him sleep, before he checked on his neighbour.

He grabbed the bottle and two glasses and walked over the street, as he suddenly heard some kind of painful voices from inside of Negans house. It sounded like a mix of screaming and suffering, which left Rick in worries even more. Before he knocked on the door, he looked through the window where still nothing could be seen, cause all was dark. Out of nowhere he recognized the sound of an opening door and heard someone step up to the side porch.

Rick walked around and noticed Negans upper body resting against the balustrade with a cigarette in his hand. It was hard to see, but Rick was sure his hands were shaking. Carefully Rick came closer and let a soft „Hey...“ escape his lips, making Negan lift his face in shock.

As their eyes met, Rick realized his eyes were teary. _Was he crying?_ He never imagined that this strong man was even able to show such kind of weakness and decided not to mention it.

Negan wiped two fingers over his eyes and avoided Ricks eyesight. „Leave me alone.“

Rick sighed and rested his shoulder against the wall of the house. „I brought whisky. You look like you need one.“

Negan scoffed and looked down at his feet. He never needed to avoid eyecontact that much before. „One is not enough.“

„We have a bottle.“

Negan frowned and threw a warning look at Rick. „I said, leave me alone.“

Ricks eyes went down to Negans still shaking hand with the cigarette in it. He suddenly noticed that his hand was soaked in blood. „I'm sorry, I can't. You're hurt and I'm your friendly police neighbour, who needs to help people in _need_.“

Negan looked down at his hand and took another draw from his cigarette, before he raised his eyebrows. „See? I'm not in _need_.“

Rick rolled his eyes and rested the bottle and glasses on the table, before he used the moment and stepped up to the frozen Negan, taking his cigarette. He rested it between his lips and grabbed his bloody hand, opening his fingers slowly to finally see the cut in the middle of it. „Had a sword fight or something?“ He mumbled between his lips and Negan just blinked and stared at the cigarette.

„Since when are _you_ smoking?“

Rick lifted his eyes to look back in Negans confused eyes and still hold his hand in his. „Oh I'm not. Just didn't want to waste it while I'm checking your hand.“

Negan lowered his eyes back to his hand in Ricks and mumbled „Are you done with checking then?“

Rick followed his move and realized he still didn't let go, what caused him to pull his hand away fastly. „Yeah. You get your cigarette back, when you let me fix it.“

Negan sighed and looked back at Ricks face, who had an expecting look. „Fine.“

He reached for the cigarette and pulled it out of Ricks mouth, his lips were still open slightly. Negan took another draw and wanted to grab the bottle, but Rick was faster and took the bottle and glasses, giving him a wave to follow him. „Let's go.“

They crossed the street and entered Ricks home, where Negan followed him upstairs to his bathroom. Rick grabbed a bandage and some desinfection and waited for Negan to give him his hand. Negan still had his cigarette between his lips and didn't dare to ask, if it was fine to take it inside and offered him his bleeding hand. Rick cleaned the wound and bandaged it, with Negans eyes following every move he did with his hands. As he finished, he led Negan back to the living room and handed him an ashtray from a cabinet. Negan extinguished the cigarette and sat down with Rick on his couch.

„So you _did_ smoke.“ Negan assumed, but Rick shook his head.

„Not really, Lori and I had it for friends when we had a party over here.“

For the first time in Negans presence Rick mentioned Loris name and realized, it didn't hurt as much as before. „Lori...what a nice name. Was that your wife?“ Negan asked.

Rick was confused, cause before Negan was asking that, he was sure Shane surely mentioned her, but seemed he didn't. „Yeah. Didn't Shane mention her?“

„Actually no.“

Rick blinked and scratched the back of his head. „Wow, that's surprising.“

„Why?“

Rick shook his head and breathed in deeply, before he tilted his head. „Forget about it. Wanna tell me what happened?“

He took the bottle and filled their glasses, waiting for Negan to take one of it. After they took a sip, Negan stared at the liquid in his hand. „This one is good.“

„I hoped so. Tough day? I heard you screaming and assumed you were in a fight or something.“

Negan felt a blockade in his throat and rested his hands between his thighs, to avoid eyecontact. „Who should I fight with? I was alone.“

„Hm I don't know. But I know pain when I see it. Or hear it.“

Negan emptied his glass in one swallow and filled it again. „Hm. My wife died two years ago on this day.“

His head lowered to hide the ache in his face and closed his eyes.

Rick muttered „I'm...I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't know you...“

Negan shook his head and waved with one hand. „It's fine. And damn, stop apologizing _all the time_ , Rick.“

Rick smiled to that and rested his back against the couch, letting the alcohol sink in his mind and admitted „You know, it's actually confusing, that when _you_ say my name, I would consider listening to what you say. So I may think about it.“

Negan looked to his side to watch Rick in his resting position and couldn't hold back the calming feeling spreading in his body. _Somehow he was easing the pain without doing much_.

„And you met Shane before or after that happened?“ Rick dared to ask and Negan moved his eyes back to the room, to figure out if he could spot some pictures of Ricks former wife. He couldn't.

„After. I met him in a bar around here. I guess we matched cause of our frustration. He helped me finding the house here, to start a new life.“

Rick opened his eyes again and rested his eyes on Negans profile. Somehow he looked much more vulnerable than he ever saw him before. But maybe it was just caused by the whisky.

„Why isn't he with you today? I asked him why you didn't come today and he avoided an answer.“

Negan scoffed and raised an eyebrow. „I'm not surprised. I didn't tell him. He's not really the typical guy to have emotional breakdowns with.“

„Oh and I am?“

Negan turnt his head to face Rick and smirked. „Somehow you are, with your _baby blue_ eyes.“

Rick felt the heat sink in his cheeks and turnt his head away. „I take that as a compliment.“

„You should.“ Negan added with a smile and let Rick fill his second glass while he asked „So wanna tell me now what happened between you and Shane?“

Rick chuckled about that as he took a sip and muttered „I don't think you are into that drama.“

„Oh come on, I'm all into _your_ drama, Grimes.“

Rick had to cough cause of swallowing up and tilted his head again, a gesture Negan started to like. „Well...I guess I owe you one.“ Rick assumed. He rested his glass on the table and looked back at Negan. „We were partners. He was my best friend, since highschool.“

„Wow, never guessed that. You two really seem to go all into that hate-love, if you ask me. I first guessed you were a _couple_ or something.“

Rick blinked and shook his head vehemently. „What? No. I'm...I'm not into men.“

„What a _pity_.“ Negan mumbled and Rick again felt how the blush filled his face. He had to stand up and walked to the window to look outside.

„Scared I bite now, or what?“ Negan asked and Rick shook his head.

„No.“

„Good. Then go on.“ Negan finished his second glass and rested his arm over the back of the couch.

„He's Judiths father.“

Negan swallowed hard and couldn't believe what he was hearing. „He's fucking _what_?“

Rick turnt around and Negan realized his eyes were filled with tears. „He slept with my wife. My wife died after giving birth and Shane told me, I should bring her up. So I did.“

Negan still was speechless and played with the bandage in his hand, by opening and closing it from time to time, trying to keep focus on something else than the empathy he felt for this man. „No surprise you're not partners anymore.“

„Yep.“

„And...he never wanted to see...her?“

Rick shook his head and lifted his hand to place his fingers on his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, even if it didn't help cause they were running already.

Suddenly Negans pain felt less bad than the pain he was confronted with and he stood up to walk closer to Rick. He took his hand and lowered it away from his face. „Hey, I'm _sorry_. I didn't know. That truely is a fucked up story man. I shouldn't have asked for it.“

Rick shook his head and felt his his fingers laced with Negans without controlling it. „And now suddenly _you_ apologize.“

„Yeah, strange, hm?“ Negan added and looked down at their hands and how Rick hold onto him in that moment.

„ _Strange_ indeed.“ Rick replied and as he felt Negan answering his move with holding onto him as well, he released their hands and stepped over to the couch again to sit down.

Negan turnt his back against the window and watched how Rick felt insecure, not knowing if it was somehow adorable or pathetic. „To be honest...how can you even work with him in one office? I guess I would have punched that guys face.“

Rick chuckled and took his glass back in his hand, maybe to cover the feeling Negans hand left on it. „I was close. I kicked him out of my team and decided that's enough punishment.“

„You're way too kind, man. If you couldn't do it, someone else should have done it for you.“

„I didn't want him to get any more attention.“

„And still he can't stop showing you off. Shit man, if I knew that before I would have...“

„No, no it's fine. You didn't know me before, right? So it's only fair he got a new friend in you. I'm glad he has you.“

„No one _has_ me. Not after Lucille died.“

Negan sat down next to Rick and laid his head on the back of the couch.

„I'm sorry for your loss, Negan.“ Rick mentioned and Negan closed his eyes and smiled painfully.

„I didn't deserve her anyways. And with everything we lose, we gain something new.“

„Hm.“ Rick didn't know exactly what he meant and still was lost in the sight of his glass. He emptied it and wanted to say something, as he realized that Negan was breathing slower than before. Seemingly he was asleep.

Rick smiled over that view and was glad, that he could at least stop one mans hurting this night. He grabbed the blanket from the armchair and threw it over Negan, before he stood up and silently walked around the couch to get upstairs.

Negans hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and his aching eyes met Ricks. „Where are you going?“

„To my bedroom. I let you sleep.“

Negan scoffed about that and let go of Ricks wrist, to lay down on his side. „ _Coward_.“ he mumbled and Rick asked in surprise „What do you mean?“, but Negan didn't give him an answer and fell back to sleep.

Rick shook his head over that man and walked upstairs, to fall asleep soon after.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The next morning Rick woke up with a slightly dizzy head and needed a moment to remember last night. But then all came back and he realized, that Negan may be still sleeping on his couch and he didn't want Carl to find him first.

Rick stood up without taking a shower and grabbed some fresh clothes, before he stepped down and prepared coffee. With two mugs in his hands he went over to the living room and found Negan still asleep. „Morning.“

Negan frowned and slowly opened his eyes, smelling the fresh brewed coffee. He sat up and wiped over his eyes, before he spotted Ricks familiar soft face. „Rick...“

„I made coffee.“

Negan smiled and took the mug out of Ricks hand. „You really are always polite. Thank you.“

„You're welcome. I will prepare breakfast and wake Judith. You may want to take a shower?“

Negan sipped on his coffee and shook his head. „No it's fine. You're forgetting I just live across the street. I won't bother you any longer.“

„Oh, you don't _bother_ me.“

„Who is our guest?“ Carl asked as he came downstairs and widened his eyes in surprise as he recognized Negan. „Negan, that's a nice surprise.“

Negan was calmed that Carl didn't freak out about his appearance and raised from the couch. „Morning, Carl. Don't worry, I just wanted to leave.“

„No need to. You can have breakfast with us.“ Carl suggested.

Negan blinked and looked at Rick for his approval. Rick just answered with a nod and Negan offered to help Carl with preparing, what he appreciated. After they went to the kitchen, Rick stepped up to Judith and got her ready.

As they came back downstairs all four of them had breakfast together and somehow it felt like back in the times, as Rick still was a family with Lori. He missed that lighthearted times. Even Carl and Judith seemed to enjoy Negans company and Rick had to admit how good Negan really was with children. Judith fell in love with him instantly.

After they finished, Rick went to work and Negan returned to his house to get ready as well, just like it never had been different.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The next days Negan wasn't showing up for Shanes break and Rick realized how Shanes mood was shifting more and more.

One week after Negans sleepover, Shane suddenly appeared with a black eye on work and suddenly he disappeared for a few days.

It was already November, as Rick finally asked his boss about Shanes missing. He just told him not to ask anymore and not to worry. But Rick just couldn't shake the fact that something was going on.

Negan always greated him nicely from his porch, but they never really talked again, cause Rick was too busy with Judith who got a cold and Carls rebelish behaviour.

Rick went home from work and since Judith was cured again, he dared to give her babysitter one more hour and decided to visit Negan, who was sitting in his living room and opened the door shortly after Rick knocked.

„Rick, what can I do for you?“

„I need to ask you something, can I come in?“

Before Negan could answer, Rick already went inside and for the first time saw Negans living room. He spotted some movie posters and in impressive collection of DVDs and videogames. „You're welcome, officer.“ Negan muttered and closed the door behind them. Then he followed him and offered him the couch. They sat down and Negan folded his hands in his lap. „Am I a suspect or something?“

„What?“ Rick blinked and shook his head. „No. I mean...I don't know. Are you?“

Negan looked in Ricks eyes from below and smiled. „Ask what you want to ask.“

Rick breathed in deeply and tried to hold that challenging eyecontact with the other man. „Shane is missing from work. And before he left, you stopped visiting him. So what happened?“

Negan raised his eyebrows and smirked even wider. „I don't know what you're talking about, _officer_.“

„Come on, Negan. I'm not stupid. Tell me.“

„Are you arresting me then?“

Rick wondered about that question and tilted his head. „I'm not sure what you mean...“

„Oh come on, Rick, if you're not stupid, then don't act like it.“

„Did you two have a fight?“

„Kinda.“

„About what?“

Negan rested his back against the couch and placed one arm again on the backrest. „Actually it was about _you_.“

Rick wasn't sure if the images in his head were the right ones here, so he had to ask again. „Me? What do you mean? Did you punish him for what I told you, or what?“

„You're really not as dumb as you seem sometimes.“

Rick sighed and wiped his hands over his face to hide behind it. „I told you not to.“

„Precisely you didn't. And I knew you wouldn't use the nice chance of arbitrary, so I did it _for_ you.“

„What the fuck?“

Rick was shocked and stared speechless at Negan, who just grinned. „Oh you know, I asked him about Lori and Judith and I just couldn't accept his behaviour towards his daughter and then towards you, his former best friend.“

„You did what?“

„Oh and I may suggested him to move or quit his job.“

„You are kidding me.“

„Nope.“ 

Rick blinked and couldn't stop staring at Negan with widened eyes. „I can't believe you.“

„No need to thank me here, you're welcome.“

Rick stood up and didn't know if he was angry or impressed by that mans action. _Of course he was glad if Shane really left their office, but how did Negan made that even possible? And did he beat him up and that black eye came from him? That was not the kind of justice Rick supported._

Ricks hands lifted in front of him to underline his saying. „Okay, I understand you wanted to help here. But why did you do it? Why for _me_? You don't even know me enough and you were friends with Shane too.“

Negan sighed and stood up, stepping right in front of Rick to look in his eyes. „Listen, first of all I have my own principles of what's wrong and right. And Shane wasn't that kind of friend. He was a drinking buddy and we laughed and joked a lot. But we weren't friends in _that_ way. But _you_ were! And when it comes to that, he broke rules I just can't let anyone break.“

„Negan, you're not justice. You can't make such decisions.“

Negan interrupted Rick and stepped up to stripe one hand over Ricks cheek. „And second, you're just adorable. And Shane couldn't accept that point of view and made nasty comments. I wanted to _protect_ you.“

No matter how warm Negans hand feel on his cheek, Rick just couldn't take it and stepped back in confusion. „I didn't ask for your _protection_. I...Look, I appreciate your concern and your intentions, but for what you did to him I could arrest you.“

„For what? Beating him up, cause he is a damn pathethic and homophobic moron? Yeah he helped me and drank with me, but he wasn't there for me, too. Newsflash, _you_ were. And I just wanted to give something back for that.“

Negan felt some kind of helplessness, cause no one ever denied his protection and especially Rick had to admit, he needed it in this case. Otherwise he still would suffer under Shanes ignorance every day.

Rick breathed in another time and frowned. „Fine. Thank you for wanting to help, but I really do not appreciate any kind of violence, you hear me?“

„Are you serious? You're a cop, Rick. You have a gun. And you're exhorting me about violence?“

„It's my duty to _prevent_ violence, not cause it. I want you to accept that.“

„Fine.“ Negan lifted his hands to keep Rick distant and nodded. „I accept that. But I'm not sorry I punched him and that he left your work place. And maybe you start thinking of yourself finally and stop being goddamn sorry for everything. He got what he deserved.“

Rick stroked with his hands over his furrowed brows and admitted „Yeah, maybe I'm not sorry about it as well.“

That was enough for Negan and he grinned widely. „See, that wasn't that difficult. Be glad you got rid of him and don't have to worry about Judith anymore, or your paranoia that he is planning something and influences Carl.“

„I didn't say that...“

„You didn't have to.“

Rick opened his eyes and looked back at Negan and in this moment, he somehow had the urge to thank him, but he just didn't know how. _No matter how much Negan went against Ricks principles, he managed to do a good thing for him and finally someone did something for him, since Rick was used to the contrary._

Finally Rick let a „Thank you.“ escape his lips and Negan nodded and went his hand through his hair.

„You're welcome. Damn, for a short moment I was sure you would arrest me now.“

Rick had to laugh about his gallows humor and shook his head. „No. I either bet it will be _me_ getting _you_ out of trouble with my colleagues next time.“

„No need to. I'm a _good_ boy.“

„You sure are.“ Rick joked and sat down on Negans couch again. „Okay, I need a drink now.“ 

„Give me a second.“ Negan answered and got them some whisky from the kitchen.

They clinked glasses and talked for a while about Carl, until Rick stood up and wanted to go back home.

„Let me invite you to dinner sometime.“ Rick offered, as Negan brought him to the door.

„I would _love_ that.“

Rick smiled to that and left back to his family.

  
  


* * *

  
  


As December started Rick fell back into his work hole and nearly forgot to decorate the home for christmas. Carl forced him to do it on the first saturday that came up and they both had to deal with Negans jokes whenever he passed their house, about being „too american“.

It seemed since Lucille died, Negan didn't really celebrate christmas anymore and Rick wondered, if he would leave for christmas to see some relatives or friends.

In the third week of December, Rick met Negan outside, as he was trying to get rid of the snow on their front.

They smiled at each other and Negan wanted to enter his home, as Rick called out his name. Negan turnt around and walked up to him.

„I won't take that shovel and dig for you, man.“ Negan scoffed.

Rick laughed and shook his head. „No, I wanted to ask for your plans on christmas.“

„What do you mean?“

„Are you leaving to see some family members or something?“

Negan just looked to the side. „Nope. No family. Not for me at least.“

Rick rested the shovel against his stairs and tilted his head. „Playing the lone wolf again, hm? I...wanted to ask, if you want to stay with us? You know...Shane often celebrated christmas with us in the past and...It would be nice, if you would come. The kids love you anyways.“

Negan looked back at Rick and felt this warm feeling again, which he had when he first entered Ricks house. He just couldn't explain what it was. „The _kids_ love me, hm?“

Rick nodded with a grin and shrugged. „I don't think you're that bad either.“

Negan chuckled and added „I bet you do.“

„So?“

Negan sighed and looked at Ricks shining house with all the light chains. „I can't let your decoration be for nothing, right? I may come. But I bring the drinks.“

Rick pouted and mentioned „Don't forget I have two kids.“

Negan turnt around and went back to his house. „Don't worry, I won't.“

  
  


* * *

  
  


Negan left the house early in the morning, cause he knew he would have a long hour drive in front of him to get everything he wanted for their christmas dinner. He remembered that chocolate factory he visited with Lucille once and knew, if he would get anything to drink for Judith and Carl, it must be that particular chocolate.

After he got that special chocolate powder, he also got some marshmallows and drove back home. On his way to the local grocery store, he thought about the last christmas he spent with Lucille.

She was the first woman who made it real for him to celebrate christmas. Since his family was a total disaster, he never had good memories from christmas and didn't even remember, how people would celebrate it. Short before their anniversary Lucille finally found out that Negan would spend christmas like every other day the year: alone at home in front of TV. But he wasn't alone anymore after he met her.

She convinced him to share christmas with her and even if he hated the following years filled with visiting her family, it was the first family christmas he ever witnessed. Christmas eve was always reserved for her and him, but he learnt to love stressfull family times as well.

As Lucille got sick, Negan was already drowned in his cheating and running away from emotions, so as christmas came up, he totally forgot about it and got drunk instead. When he returned on the morning of the 25th, he had to realize Lucille was with her family and spent the last night alone. Something he never wanted her to go through after they found each other.

Negan always blamed himself for not giving her the perfect last christmas with him and thought, he would never deserve to enter a family ever again.

As Rick asked him to join them, it somehow felt like something natural to ask for and Negan didn't even hesitate to say yes.

During his drive home it was still snowing and Negan was exhausted from the long drive. He was afraid he would fall asleep at the wheel and turnt the music even louder.

Everywhere on the radio was christmas music and Negan barely liked any of it. But there was one song he always listened with Lucille when they drove home in december. „Coming home for christmas.“ They knew they found home in each other and this song only described how everywhere they go, despite her family drama or any sickness, would feel like home as long as they were together.

This time as the song started the first thing that appeared in front of him wasn't Lucilles smile, it was _Ricks eyes_. _That damn blue eyes._

Since their first meeting these eyes sank into him and he was sure, they would haunt him to the end of his days.

This feeling of being haunted started the urge in him to punish Shane for his betrayal. All Negan could think about day and night were _these eyes_ and how they looked into his soul. No one should be allowed to hurt these eyes, not even Shane who helped him before. And after Negan saw Rick cry for the first time, it reminded him of all the promises he didn't keep for Lucille and swore this time it would be different. No matter if Rick would return his feelings or not, he just couldn't let him down like Lucille. And he didn't.

As Rick thanked him for his protection, Negan somehow felt like he got permission to be free from his guilt towards Lucille. From this day on he wanted to do everything right and fight to find a new _home_ again.

And today as he heard the song, he realized, he really _drove home for christmas_. It was _Ricks home_ and he invited him to join him in this. And Negan would. Cause home is where your _heart_ is. And Negan was damn sure Rick didn't only offer him a home to stay, but also a heart to keep. Negan wanted both.

And that wish was bringing him home safely, through storm and snow. Cause for the first time ever, he finally had a christmas wish for himself and hoped that something above him would make it come true.

  
  


  
  


* * *

  
  


  
  


As christmas eve came, Rick was busy with preparing the dinner for them, while Judith and Carl still were playing in the snow. Negan wasn't at home the whole day and Rick wondered, if he would really show up, or just avoid to step into their family.

As Carl and Judith sat down at the dinner table, it suddenly knocked on the door and Negan stood in front with a small bag in his hand, dressed in a black sweater and jeans and smiled. „Merry christmas.“

Rick grinned and took the bag out of his hand, realizing he had some chocolate powder, milk, presents and red wine inside. „You kept your promise, come in.“

„I'm true to my words.“

Negan came inside and they all sat down and had a wonderful christmas dinner. For dessert Negan prepared hot chocolate with marshmallows for Carl and Judith, even if Carl said he was too old for it. In the end he loved it the same way as Judith.

They watched some christmas movies in the living room and later at night Carl went upstairs, wishing them a goodnight, while Judith fell asleep on the armchair.

„You wanna bring her upstairs?“ Negan asked, but Rick just shook his head.

„No. I always allow her to stay for christmas. She loves to sleep here.“

Negan grinned and somehow understood why. _Maybe she just liked that scent of musk the same way, as he did when he first came in._

„That's fine to me. I can watch her for you, if you want.“ Negan offered.

Rick looked back in Negans eyes and something hold him back to accept that. „So, you stay for the night?“

„If you want.“

Rick smiled and grabbed another blanket from the couch. „You're welcome to. If you can deal with me staying down here. I always stay around her when she sleeps here.“

Rick handed Negan the blanket and he just answered with a nod. „Then _stay_.“

With one move Negan rested the blanket around both of them. For Ricks surprise, it didn't feel strange at all.

„I wanted to thank you, for inviting me. To your _family_.“ Negan suddenly mentioned.

Rick shook his head and slowly felt dizzy from the wine and the fire burning in front of them. „Don't be ridiculous, you're part of the _family_ now. Carl already calls you _uncle_ Negan.“

„ _Uncle_?“

„Yeah...he did call Shane the same before.“

„Hm.“ Negan looked down at Ricks hands who rested in his lap and placed the back of his palm on his knee. „ _Uncle_ is not what I had in mind.“

Rick tried to figure out what he meant and looked at his open hand, next to his thigh. _Did he offer him his hand?_

Rick remembered how they had some similiar situations before and asked himself, if maybe Negan was really interested in something more than just being a friend, which would explain why he freaked out about Shanes comments.

Rick dared to place his hand slowly on Negans and they laced their fingers, without saying anything.

For a while Negan just caressed Ricks skin with his thumb, as suddenly the light chains went off, due to their timer. The living room was dark instantly and only the fire was still burning lightly in front of them. With the light of the fire on Ricks profile, he looked even softer, like a filter was covering his face. _Or was he always that beautiful?_

Rick felt his heart in his throat and tried to surpress the running thoughts in his mind. He overanalysed everything out of nowhere and tried to sort out what was real and was not.

Before he could look up from their hands, Negan placed his right hand on Ricks chin and pulled him in a kiss, which was first light and careful like if he wanted to know, if Rick would reply it, but with the darkness on their side, Rick could be more courageous and let go of his stubborn and former limits and answered Negans kiss with confidence. He indeed was _family_ to him, but _different_ from what he thought before.

As Negan released their lips slowly, he noticed the mistletoe above them. „I knew you had a reason to hang that up.“

Rick looked up and chuckled, resting his forehead against Negans shoulder in embarrassment. „Originally, I set it up there for Carl. Enid is coming for a sleepover tomorrow.“

Negan laughed and kissed the top of Ricks head. „That's fine. I act like I didn't hear that.“

„You're such an idiot.“

„Maybe you should have just extended that timers, Rick.“

„You can't hide from _your_ actions only cause it was dark.“

After a short moment of silence, Negan whispered „Not _my_ intention. If it's not _yours_.“

Rick lifted his face and stared into Negans eyes, which seemed so vulnerable in this moment. _Was he really asking for his permission?_ „It's _not mine_ either.“ Rick replied silently.

„Good. Then let's just forget about that light chains and mistletoe and kiss me again.“ Negan ordered with a devouring voice.

Rick couldn't hide his smirk and with that indirect light, it nearly looked evilish.

Rick leaned in for another kiss and the night ended with them falling asleep on the couch, the blanket around them and the snow continuing to fall, like wanting to lock them inside forever. And maybe they both would see it as their early christmas present from faith, if they just could stay like this in there forever.

  
  


* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Like in my last christmas AU I want to add the lyrics of the song that inspired me to this oneshot.  
> I always had this scene in mind, how Negan sits in the car and drives home for christmas. Home in this case is, where Rick is. 
> 
> After I finished this Oneshot, I will soon continue with my main fainfic "My weak spot". Don't expect it to continue too soon, cause of christmas and new years time, where I will have friends over at my place. 
> 
> I appreciate every each one of you and hope everyone has a nice christmas time!
> 
> Driving home for christmas - Chris Rea
> 
> I'm driving home for Christmas  
> Oh, I can't wait to see those faces  
> I'm driving home for Christmas, yea  
> Well I'm moving down that line  
> And it's been so long  
> But I will be there  
> I sing this song  
> To pass the time away  
> Driving in my car  
> Driving home for Christmas  
> It's gonna take some time  
> But I'll get there  
> Top to toe in tailbacks  
> Oh, I got red lights on the run  
> But soon there'll be a freeway yeah  
> Get my feet on holy ground  
> So I sing for you  
> Though you can't hear me  
> When I get trough  
> And feel you near me  
> Driving in my car  
> I'm driving home for Christmas  
> Driving home for Christmas  
> With a thousand memories  
> I take look at the driver next to me  
> He's just the same  
> Just the same  
> Top to toe in tailbacks  
> Oh, I got red lights all around  
> I'm driving home for Christmas, yea  
> Get my feet on holy ground  
> So I sing for you  
> Though you can't hear me  
> When I get trough  
> Oh and feel you near me  
> Driving in my car  
> Driving home for Christmas  
> Driving home for Christmas  
> With a thousand memories  
> I take look at the driver next to me  
> He's just the same  
> He's driving home, driving home  
> Driving home for Christmas  
> Driving home for Christmas


End file.
